Emotional Response to Miscarriage
To the woman:
You may be having one of the most difficult times of your life right now. Suffering a miscarriage can be emotionally and physically traumatizing. And even if you are logically not bothered by the miscarriage, your body is undergoing tremendous hormonal transitions which may cause your emotions to seem overwhelming. You may desperately want to know that your feelings are normal, and great pain can result if you feel that your emotional response isn't valid. In talking with others, you may have noticed that some people have views on miscarriage that don't match your own experience. Try to remember that, like every woman who experiences miscarriage, you have the right to feel the way you feel.
You may be experiencing a wide range of emotions. Some of these may sound familiar:
1. A Sense of Loss over the end of your pregnancy and the death of your unborn child, a feeling that your world has been shattered;
2. Anger that your baby was taken, that your spouse isn't supportive, that nobody understands, that your doctor was negligent; anger towards pregnant women and women with children for having what you're missing right now;
3. Relief that your pregnancy is over (especially if you didn't want to be pregnant to begin with);
4. Fear that your sadness will never go away, that you will never get pregnant again, or that your next pregnancy will end in another miscarriage;
5. Helplessness in the face of tragedy, in the wake of seemingly uncontrollable emotions; a desire to cling to someone or something strong;
6. Impatience with yourself or your spouse for not "getting over" the experience quickly enough, exasperation with the comments from others that make you feel worse;
7. Guilt about feeling too sad or not sad enough, about causing the miscarriage by not being careful, about deserving the miscarriage as punishment for some thought or action;
8. A Sense of Calm that, despite your sadness, the situation is for the best;
9. Feeling You Have Failed as a woman, that you have disappointed your spouse and family, that you can't "measure up" to the expectations of others.
You may be experiencing a state of depression, characterized by crying, lack of motivation or interest in life, increased or decreased interest in eating and sleeping, and a general inability to function as before. Or, you may be sad but able to continue life as usual. In any case, try to remember that there are as many "normal" responses to miscarriage as there are women who have had one. Please don't add to your pain by telling yourself (or listening to others who may tell you) that your feelings are "wrong".
-Kathy Soper, Coping With Miscarriage, p. 2-3
Used by permission.
You may be having one of the most difficult times of your life right now. Suffering a miscarriage can be emotionally and physically traumatizing. And even if you are logically not bothered by the miscarriage, your body is undergoing tremendous hormonal transitions which may cause your emotions to seem overwhelming. You may desperately want to know that your feelings are normal, and great pain can result if you feel that your emotional response isn't valid. In talking with others, you may have noticed that some people have views on miscarriage that don't match your own experience. Try to remember that, like every woman who experiences miscarriage, you have the right to feel the way you feel.
You may be experiencing a wide range of emotions. Some of these may sound familiar:
1. A Sense of Loss over the end of your pregnancy and the death of your unborn child, a feeling that your world has been shattered;
2. Anger that your baby was taken, that your spouse isn't supportive, that nobody understands, that your doctor was negligent; anger towards pregnant women and women with children for having what you're missing right now;
3. Relief that your pregnancy is over (especially if you didn't want to be pregnant to begin with);
4. Fear that your sadness will never go away, that you will never get pregnant again, or that your next pregnancy will end in another miscarriage;
5. Helplessness in the face of tragedy, in the wake of seemingly uncontrollable emotions; a desire to cling to someone or something strong;
6. Impatience with yourself or your spouse for not "getting over" the experience quickly enough, exasperation with the comments from others that make you feel worse;
7. Guilt about feeling too sad or not sad enough, about causing the miscarriage by not being careful, about deserving the miscarriage as punishment for some thought or action;
8. A Sense of Calm that, despite your sadness, the situation is for the best;
9. Feeling You Have Failed as a woman, that you have disappointed your spouse and family, that you can't "measure up" to the expectations of others.
You may be experiencing a state of depression, characterized by crying, lack of motivation or interest in life, increased or decreased interest in eating and sleeping, and a general inability to function as before. Or, you may be sad but able to continue life as usual. In any case, try to remember that there are as many "normal" responses to miscarriage as there are women who have had one. Please don't add to your pain by telling yourself (or listening to others who may tell you) that your feelings are "wrong".
-Kathy Soper, Coping With Miscarriage, p. 2-3
Used by permission.
