Emotional Response to Miscarriage
To the couple
The emotional stress that may follow miscarriage can bring about changes in a marriage relationship. You may feel closer together than ever before, or you may suddenly feel like strangers, or you may alternate between the two. If this is the first crisis you've experienced together (or even if it isn't), you may have trouble communicating with each other and making your wants and needs known. Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and frustration can result. Your sexual relationship may be affected as well.
It is common for husbands and wives to react quite differently after a miscarriage. Perhaps both of you are very upset but handle your feelings in different ways. Or, it may happen that one of you is suffering greatly while the other doesn't seem much affected. If so, the partner having the more difficult time mustn't feel pressured to recover quickly. Likewise, the partner having the less difficult time mustn't be pressured to feel differently. In every case, neither partner should expect the other to have the same emotional response or to heal according to the same schedule.
Certainly, not every couple will experience marital strain following a miscarriage. Some may even feel a close bond as they struggle through together. But if you are having some difficulty, one of the best remedies is talking and listening about any painful feelings. Tell each other how you feel, and try to really listen to what your partner says. Also, since some expressions of feelings may only add to your partner's pain and/or frustration, it can be very helpful to talk separately to trusted friends, family members, or counselors.
-Kathy Soper, Coping With Miscarriage, p. 3
Used by permission.
