Emotional Response to Miscarriage
To the man:
It is unfortunate that the feelings of a man whose wife miscarries are often downplayed or ignored. It should not be assumed that you aren't hurting too. While there are men who aren't troubled by miscarriage, there are many others who struggle with painful feelings and still others who are completely devastated.
You may feel any or all of the emotions that your wife is feeling (see "To the woman" page). However, you may feel constrained from expressing your feelings. You might be too occupied with comforting your wife as she grieves and protecting her from the often insensitive responses of others. Also, you may be concerned about losing control of your emotions or even appearing "weak" to your family and peers. These feelings are normal.
Another completely normal feeling a man may experience is anger with his wife for "causing" the miscarriage in some way. You may have such feelings even if you logically realize that the chance of your wife actually causing the miscarriage is minuscule. If so, it's vitally important to discuss your feelings, preferably with someone other than your wife.
Of course, if you genuinely feel okay, others shouldn't pressure you to feel otherwise. Your emotional response, whatever it may be, is equally as valid as your wife's. But if you aren't very upset about the miscarriage you may need to exercise extra patience if your wife is having a difficult time. This may be very frustrating for you; try to remember that your patience and support can do wonders to help your wife heal.
-Kathy Soper, Coping With Miscarriage, p. 3
Used by permission.
-Kathy Soper, Coping With Miscarriage, p. 3
Used by permission.
